Dec 21 2012

‘No Date for Christmas’ … A Holiday Horror Movie

With the holiday season upon us, chances are your regularly scheduled television programming has been interrupted to bring you a beloved tradition of the season – the Christmas movie.

We all have our favorites – Ralphie and his BB gun, Clark Griswold and his light spectacle, Jimmy Stewart and his wonderful life.

But outside of the classics, there has emerged a whole other genre of holiday movies – for lack of a better term let’s call them the Chickmas flicks.

I’m talking about the low-budget, ultra-saccharine, made-for-TV holiday rom coms that run 24 hours a day on cable this time of year – the ones that make you laugh, cry and, ultimately, throw up in your mouth a little.

You’re probably familiar with the characters…

SHE is:

  • a high powered ad exec with no time for dating or
  • a wholesome shop owner who’s been unlucky in love or
  • a lonely widow or divorced single mom

HE is:

  • a rugged, yet sensitive, lover of dogs and children, who more than likely knows how to carve something out of wood.

The plot goes something like this:

  • Girl has no date for the holidays, so she (or her kid) makes a Christmas wish for love.
  • Girl meets guy but is too dense to understand Christmas wish has been granted.
  • Guy pursues girl, doing all things the perfect guy would do.
  • Girl falls for guy.
  • **CONFLICT!**
  • Guy professes love for girl, gives her something he whittled. Conflict resolved.
  • Guy and girl kiss under mistletoe.
  • Cue unexpected snowfall and spontaneous singing of Silent Night by random townspeople with miraculously perfect pitch.

You’ve seen that one, right?

I’ll admit I’ve been sucked into more than a few Chickmas movie marathons this season, appalled as I’ve been by their universal theme – “a boyfriend for Christmas.”

What I find most troubling is that they all seem to imply that being single at the holidays is a fate worse than death, if you’re a woman, anyway.

No doubt, the holidays are a lonely time for a lot of people, but these movies would have us believe that only fair ladies fall victim to the holiday blues, their only hope a letter to Santa asking for Prince Charming.

Yaaawn…. are we not yet tired of this plot on the brink of 2013?

Ladies, if you are single at the holidays, here is what you do: Eat! Drink! Be merry! Gentlemen, you do the same. Because contrary to what the Hallmark and Lifetime channels tell us, the holidays are not doomed if you happen to find yourself romantically unattached. After all, that’s just one less gift you’ve got to buy, right?

Seriously, grab some friends, throw back some egg nog and pop a REAL Christmas movie in the DVD player. And if you happen to burst into spontaneous caroling, please be sure to make it as off-key as possible.

Happy Holidays!

1 comment

  1. Melody

    I try and avoid “Chickmas” flicks at all costs because I am, sadly, one of the romatically challenged women out there who HAS asked Santa for the man of her dreams to make everything all better. Alas…I think I’m going to have to settle for egg nog this year.

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